Thursday, March 26, 2009

Stupid Tech Supports Calls – Part 1

The following is just a few of the stupid tech support stories that I have found around the web.  There are a lot of them, all funny.  Enjoy!

Story 1

The place I work for charges about $100/issue for tech support.

  • Tech Support: "So what can I do for you?"
  • Customer: "I'm trying to run Live Update with Norton, and it came up to a screen with a list of updates, and it says 'Next.' What do I do?"
  • Tech Support: "Did you hit 'Next'?"
  • Customer: "Oh, it's working now."
  • Tech Support: "Anything else I can do for you?"
  • Customer: "No, that's it, thanks."

Story 2

  • User: "I've just unplugged my monitor from the wall in order to clean it without getting shocked. How do I plug it back in?"

I had about ten different responses flash through my mind, but as this guy was fairly high up on the food chain of management, I had to control myself. I said, "Align the pins with the hole, and push it into the socket." Satisfied, the user hung up.

Story 3

  • Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
  • Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
  • Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
  • Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
  • Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
  • Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
  • Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
  • Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
  • Customer: "What do you mean?"
  • Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
  • Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
  • Tech Support: "And that is what?"
  • Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
  • Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
  • Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
  • Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
  • Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
  • Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
  • Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."

Then it took me fifteen minutes to convince him that he had a Mac. Even after showing him "About this Macintosh." I spent another fifteen minutes trying to convince him that Windows 98 wouldn't work on his Mac. He said it should work because Windows 98 is for PCs, and he had a PowerPC. I think he's still trying to get it to read that CD, because I never could convince him.

Story 4

A member of getacoder.com posted and asked for someone to write an operating system for him. It had to have all the features of Windows XP Professional. In return, he would be willing to pay $20 to $100.

The listing:

I need someone to program me a new OS (Operasting System) that looks different than Ms Windows XP etc. but has the same style. It does not need to run on a mac but all the other PCs. It's supposed to have a stylish look with clear edges etc. And ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE JUST A REDESIGNED WINDOWS as I'm going to sell that operating system later on. These are some important points :

It should have ALL THE FEATURES that Windows Xp Professional has. ALL the files that run on Windows XP ust also run on the BlueOrb OS. It must have a very user-friendly interface (like MS WINDOWS XP) When it gets Installed, the user needs to insert a serial number. It HAS to be HACKER SAFE! It must be quick and good looking.

Here's the listing on getacoder.com.