Monday, July 21, 2008

What it Takes to be a Good Teacher

Humorous insights to what it takes to be a good teacher

Buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk at Sam's.

Will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.

Grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of nine weeks have even been seen grading in church.

Cheer when they hear that April 1st does not fall on a school day

Drive older cars owned by credit unions.

Can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.

Never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.

Have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around.

Are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders and kidneys.

Wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manuals.

Have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds.

Master teachers can eat faster than that.

Can predict exactly which parents show up at open house.

Never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders.

Know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission.

Know that the best end of semester lesson plans come from Blockbuster.

Know the shortest distance and length of travel time to the front office.

Can "sense" gum.

Know the difference between what ought to be graded, what should be graded, and what should never see the light of day.

Know that the first class disruption they see is probably the second one that occurred.

Have never heard an original excuse.

Know better than to plan discussions or cooperative groups for last period during an observation.

Know that secretaries and custodians really run the school.

Know that rules do not apply to them.

Give themselves away in public because of the Vis-a-vis marker smudges all over their hands

Know that dogs are carnivores and not "homework paperavores."

Know that happy hour does indeed begin on Friday afternoons.

Do not take "no" for an answer unless it is written in a complete sentence.

Know the value of a good education and are appalled upon seeing their paychecks.

Hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.